My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
