Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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