I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
