You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
