You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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