I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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