Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
