we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
