Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
