I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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