He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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