i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
