I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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