Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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