Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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