i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
