VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
