tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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