just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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