He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
