I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
