He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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