We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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