I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
