yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
