Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
