I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
