i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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