I hate all girls vehemently.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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