I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
