I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
