not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
