I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
