I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
