I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
