I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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