you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It's not a walk of shame if you run
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
