he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
