Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
