i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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