Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
