On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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