dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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