Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
