I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
