as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
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