well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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