Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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