I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
