He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
