my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
She has the best kind of daddy issues
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
