im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I wear drunk well.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
