Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
