I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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