I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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