Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
