That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
