My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
