i just wanna soil my oats bro
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
