I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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