Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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