I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
