come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
